Tested

This blog post is going to take the more personal route, and it's a little long-winded, but I think it's important to share.

One thing that I know I have always wanted to be is a mom.  My mom wasn't the perfect mother, but I always admired her. Well, not really in high school, but let's skip that part. My mom started home daycare when I was born. When I was in 6th grade, she quit that and started homeschooling me and my siblings. We had home cooked meals EVERY MEAL. Never ate cereal for breakfast, except on Sundays. She had dinner on the table every night when my dad walked in from work. She never missed a night (thank goodness, because I think my dad can only make eggs.) Made us elaborate, homemade cakes for ever birthday.  I swear that woman could make a cake for every theme we came up with. I wanted to be her.  Still do.

I love my jobs, but I don't necessarily feel committed to them because they aren't actually what I want to be doing. Even before I met Garrett, I always knew that I wanted to start having kids as soon as my future husband was ready.  Garrett and I met on a blind date, and I instantly fell for him. I didn't know how he felt, but I knew I wanted to be more than friends. It took awhile to get there, but after awhile I knew he liked me too, and after what seemed like an eternity (but was actually only 3 months) he asked me to be his girlfriend. 6 months later we were engaged, and 2 months before our 1 year dating anniversary we got married. It was fast. People gave me funny looks. My parents were happy I found someone, and they loved Garrett, but they still thought we should wait. They had only met him once, and they didn't meet his family until the wedding. But I knew it was right and I have yet to regret the decision.

Well, Garrett and I can't have kids naturally. When I found out, it was hard. I knew that being a mom was something that I always wanted to do. Obviously, there are other options, but I had no idea how expensive those other options were. Let me just say - EXPENSIVE.   Some people might say that the inability to have children would be a deal breaker for them. But not me - I knew Garrett was the right guy and that God would provide for us. Don't get me wrong - even knowing about it, it's still hard to believe that we can't.  I was hoping the doctor was wrong. But 19 months later, it's pretty obvious that he wasn't. Sometimes I get jealous of other people who are having babies. I know A LOT of pregnant people, and as excited as I am for them, I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little jealous.

Recently we found a grant for in-vitro that we could apply for, and I threw myself into getting all the paperwork together. Having to rely on other people to get the paperwork we need SUCKS. I think I am more of a control freak than I realized, and we aren't exactly working with the world's fastest people. The application is due this week and we are still waiting on some paperwork. At first, it really pissed me off that people weren't getting things to us as quickly as a wanted. And maybe we won't get all the paperwork in time and maybe we will have to wait until next year to apply for the grant again. At first, that really upset me. Then this weekend happened.

Garrett and I were both not feeling well Thursday and Friday, and so we took the days off work and had a 4 day weekend. It was GLORIOUS. It was just what we needed. We watched all 8 Harry Potter movies, because, well...when else are we going to have the time to do that? We left the house a few times, but mostly stayed home. IT. WAS. PERFECT.

Many times, I have only wanted my identity to be found in being a good, Christian wife and mother. Now, I'm thinking that I could be happy without that mother part. Obviously, I still want to try and have a kid. But, spending the rest of my life with someone who I am head over heels in love with would be a pretty awesome life. I am really happy that God lead me to that realization this weekend. I am so much less stressed about getting the application in, and just more laid back about having kids in general. If it happens, it happens. And I will be ecstatic. And if it doesn't, it doesn't ... and I will spend the rest of my life traveling the world or spending weekends having movie marathons with my best friend - and I will be the happiest woman alive.

All this just to say, that God knows what He is doing. I think He is using Garrett to show me that I am not in control. I had "a plan" for my life, and I am starting to see that God's plan is a little different than mine. I love Garrett so much and I can't wait to see where God takes us.

Make Your Own Sushi

For the longest time, I could never get best friend to take me out for sushi.  He couldn't remember if he had ever tried it, thought it sounded weird, etc. I finally convinced him to go with me to a little hole-in-the-wall sushi restaurant in Edmond. He found a roll that was just salmon and rice, and he liked it! YAY!  We have been there a couple more times, but last night I wanted to try and make some on our own. 

First, we cooked up some edamame to eat while we were making the sushi. I just bought one of the Steamables bags. Then I sprinkled some sea salt all over it, and ... YUM.  I love this stuff.

For sushi, you will need:

A sushi rolling mat - optional, but helpful

A couple sheets of Nori (seaweed)

3 cups of short grain rice, cooked

1/3 cup of rice vinegar

3 Tablespoons of sugar

1 teaspoon of salt

Whatever you like in your sushi!

We made a trek out to a super sketchy Asian market in Del City to get the seaweed and rice vinegar. They didn't have any veggies at the market, so we just went to our local grocery store - (where they also had seaweed and rice vinegar ... now we know.)

First you need to make the rice. We cooked ours in a rice cooker that we borrowed from a friend, but the package should have cooking directions on the back.  While it is cooking, combine the rice vinegar, salt, and sugar in a small saucepan. Cook on low, stirring until the sugar and salt have dissolved.  When the rice is done cooking scrape all of it but the bottom layer into a bowl. The bottom layer will be cooked a little more than the rest and will give your sushi a weird texture. Pour the rice vinegar mixture over the rice, and combine well.  Set aside to cool.

Put one piece of Nori, cut in half, on your sushi mat. Cover with sticky rice, except for the very edge.

Then, put your sushi fillings in the center of the roll.

Here are our fillings: crab, cucumber, and avacado for me, and salmon for best friend:

Then, with the help of your sushi rolling mat, roll up your sushi!

With an extremely sharp knife, cut each roll into 6 pieces. Enjoy!

Failure ...

Well, one of the things on my 25 before 25 list was to not buy clothes for 6 months. I started that on February 1st, and purchased an article of clothing on February 4th - so that didn't last very long. Garrett and I went to Tulsa that week to be with family after my grandpa passed away.  We stayed there for several days, and on the day that we went there it was nice and sunny.  The next day it was FREEZING.  So we headed up to the mall to get me a sweatshirt at Aeropostale. At least I got a good deal on it - 20 bucks for a hoodie that was originally 60.  Then I realized that I had not brought the undershirt for the dress that I was planning on wearing to the funeral, so the next day I stopped at Target with the intention of buying a tanktop and walked out with a new dress. Then, at the funeral I noticed that my black cardigan had a hole - so the next time I was at Target I picked up a new one.  I'm going to try again starting March 1st.  By the way, I bought more clothes this month than I usually do in 3 months combined. I'm really not that much of a shopper. The whole point of the 6 month clothes buying fast is to quit buying clothes that I am hoping don't fit me after too much longer.

One thing that has not been a failure is our wedding scrapbook!  It is looking awesome!  I'm really proud of it. I'm hoping to finish it up this weekend.

25 List Revised

Well, anything on my 25 Before 25 list that costs extreme amounts of money has been thrown out the window. Best friend and I have decided to save up for bigger things than just vacations ... kids, house, etc.

But, in an attempt to save money, we did start on something on my list over the weekend. Cleaning out the house. We started with the extra bedroom. We bagged up 7 bags of books and took a trip over to Half Price Books.  We walked out with over 100 bucks thanks to some old accounting and programming text books.  After getting some sushi at our new favorite sushi place, we put the rest in the bank. I am also looking through our house trying to find stuff to sell.  So far all I have come up with is a bookshelf, a desk, and a queen sized comforter/bed skirt/pillow cases.  We do have someone interested in the bookshelf!  Whoot.

I am looking into opening an Etsy shop, which is something else that was on my 25 before 25 list.  If any of my readers know anything about this, please give me some info!  I have heard that you have to pay Etsy for each item that is in your shop, but wasn't sure how much?  Any information would be helpful.

I am also looking into possibly selling Scentsy.  We'll see about that.

Well, that's about it for now!  Have a great Monday.  If you have today off work, I envy you.

Lesson Learned

Today I made Chocolate Molten Lava Cakes from the Cook Yourself Thin Cookbook.  The picture of them looked like something any chocolate lover would enjoy. I was surprised when the recipe called for 6oz of bittersweet chocolate and only 1/3 of a cup of sugar, but I went with it in the spirit of eating desert and losing weight. When they were done cooking, I arranged them nicely on a plate, topped with powdered sugar and homemade whipped cream. They were ... gross. Even 2 dark chocolate lovers like me and Garrett could only swallow one bite.  No amount of whipped cream was able to salvage the bitter taste of the cake. I guess the small amount of sugar is how the cake is in a healthy eating cook book.  Luckily I was able to clean out the bitter taste in my mouth with a couple bite sized Dark Chocolate Milky Way left over from Valentine's Day. :)

I am reluctant to try the other dessert recipes in this cookbook, but I probably will.  I do want to cook through the whole thing, but I HATE wasting ingredients. I guess we'll just see when the time comes.

Valentine's Day Crack

Here is a quick and easy idea for a Valentine's Day snack.

You will need:
pretezels (the ones that look like square grids)
Hersey's hugs
M&M's (preferably Valentine's Day colored)

Preheat oven to 200 degrees.
Lay out a piece of parchment paper on a rectangle cookie sheet. Line the pretzels up on top of the paper.  Place one hug on top of each pretzel.

Bake for 4-6 minutes.  The hugs should maintain their shape. Put one M&M on top of each hug and press down so that you are smashing the chocolate to cover up the entire pretzel.  When you are done they should look like this:

They are the perfect combination of a sweet and salty treat!  Try not to eat them all in one sitting.u

Update

I promise I'm still here and hard at work on my 25 before 25 list.

So far I have made 5 recipes out of the Cook Yourself Thin Cookbook. All were well received by best friend except for the ricotta cheese pizza.  He kept saying he was disappointed there wasn't any red sauce on it.  He really liked the fish and chips.  Instead of being fried, you dip them in an egg mixture, flour, and then roll them in crushed Corn Flakes cereal.  Yummy!

I am sloooooowly working on my wedding scrapbook. I have a few pages done that I really like. Lately we have been spending weekends at a hospital in Tulsa visiting my grandpa so I haven't had much time to work on it.

I am also working on losing weight, although it seems to be fairly ineffective. I've been doing pilates and yoga for weight loss for about a week and a half, along with trying to eat healthier in general. I make some type of smoothie every morning for breakfast and haven't gone to Starbucks yet.  I did crack and have a milkshake last night, but that was only because my throat hurt so badly I could barely swallow and it was the only thing that would help.
Haven't lost any weight yet, but I know it takes longer when you aren't doing hardly any cardio stuff.

Today marks the start of not buying clothes for 6 months, which was another thing on my list.  What's the point in spending money on clothes that I'm hoping won't fit next year?

Besides that, the only thing going on is my car exploding. We were in Tulsa last weekend and the car overheated.  We pulled over and nothing was smoking, so we drove the mile left to my grandparent's house.  The second Garrett turned the car off, orange fluid and smoke started spewing out of the cracks in the hood. I mean SPEWING. The driveway was covered within seconds.  We took it to the closest place we could find, and Garrett's dad came to get us and bring us back to Edmond. On Tuesday I went to go and get it, and they had replaced the radiator which apparently had a hole. (Hence the spewing of orange goo.)  I drove to the hospital to see my mom and grandparents and on the way there, the heat gauge was going nutso and said 3 different times that the car was over heating. So, I took the car in to another branch of the same place that had "fixed" it before. Apparently this place was more like a Jiffy Lube place than an actual car repair shop.  They looked at it and temporarily fixed it (for free!) but said that one of the gaskets had blown.  The man was really nice and said that I could probably drive it back to Edmond and only have to refill the antifreeze a couple times.  I just laughed. (Well actually I cried because I knew Garrett was going to have to come get me from Edmond and that we weren't going to get home until super late, and I had to work really early the next morning.) While Garrett was driving down to bring me back, my mom and I took it to a different place.  They fixed some stuff and we are going to get it sometime today. Hopefully it will be all the way fixed. :P